Okay, so where have I been? Not wanting to post this entry mostly. Gonna try to catch up on the past, lets go ahead and call it two and a half months. So, Aug 31st went to Chicago for All In. With an exception it was probably the best weekend I've had in a long assed time. Met some pretty awesome people, All In was fucking amazing. Mom had some issues while I was gone, get home to that and she wasn't really able to walk and feeling pretty horrible. So, got back on Sunday night, went to work Monday morning, when I got off, came home. Mom had to go to the hospital, she was then airlifted to Chattanooga. Over the next 20 days it seems like I was spending most of my time between Erlanger and Siskin. Coming home mostly to eat a meal, shower, and grab some sleep before going to work or the hospital. Seeing all the likes and comments on updates was actually helpful. Seeing an unfriending during that time made me realize something I should have known all along, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. Anyway, I would try to get some training in, but it was hard. Then yay, I started getting ill. After way too many test of stuff I don't even like thinking about, turns out it was costochondritis. Basically, all the cartilage in my rib cage became inflamed. It usually only happens for a few reasons. None of those reasons could be found in me. Particularly one that I'm grateful of. So that's a bonus. Apparently my body is still a mystery to earth sciences. So, that put me out of the gym for about 4 more weeks. I guess I kinda buried this down because it's not something I'm the most comfortable talking about, so hopefully most people have gotten bored and already left. But my depression has gotten pretty bad over this period. To the point that coupled with the costochondritis and just not caring my weight has dropped pretty crazy. In 3 weeks I dropped about 20 pounds. Before I left for Chicago I was 341.8, right now currently sitting at 305.2, this hasn't helped my muscle dysmorphia. So even though I'm still gigantic and strong, everytime I look at myself, I feel tiny and weak. So yeah, falling back into too much of some bad habits, and not taking care of myself like I should. But I have been training, I'll start back the regular work next week. Not better yet but getting there. It's like Randal said in Clerks 2 "I hate everyone and everything seems stupid to me."
Right now debating on if I should just post this or post everywhere I normally do.
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